YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
