now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
