We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
