just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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