All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
