My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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