Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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