Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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