the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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