I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
