I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
