just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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