Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
