there were more penises there than on chat roulette
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bring money and cleavage
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
