if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
