looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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