It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
