i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
