You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
