I could make wine with my vomit
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
