If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
