What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
