i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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