So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
