He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
