but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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