Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
