ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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