Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
how can u be prego again
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
