so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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