Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
