that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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