Umm I'm too high to move.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
