Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
