did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
