Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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