operation have a gay friend backfired
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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