matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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