i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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