I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
