I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
