if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
