I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
