There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
