OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
