take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
