I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
