My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
