It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
