i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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