I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
