sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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