I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm passing your future prison.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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