i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
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