My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
