Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Drunk is a universal language darling
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
