I smell stomach acid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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