Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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