Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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