We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
