The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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