Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
