Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
As shirtless as possible
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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